I feel so grateful that I have a platform where I’m able to express myself, my learnings and experiences - in the hope’s of inspiring, resonating and helping millennial’s to grow understand their own, poke ideas and just help to create a new conscious generation.
I went on a solo trip to Europe for 3 and a bit weeks, and amongst my journey, had some cool ideas and revelations, and so this PT 1 of the blog explores 4 of these.
Travelling alone Gives You a Breath of Fresh Air
It helps you to Realise Love Is In Abundance
It Cultivates you to Ask for What you Want
And it makes you really Appreciate Human Connection.
Trust The Universe
The Armour we Wear
Embracing the Warrior Energy
And How we’re all Just Baby Human.
1. It gives you a breath of fresh air.
I always had freedom and autonomy growing up, but I feel like when you travel by yourself, it takes personal freedom to a whole other level.
You have no external pressures of time, of other people, their values or ideas subconsciously causing you to mirror them. There is no one else’s’ ideas to potentially sway your own thoughts or actions. You can just run with the wolves.
I find this super relevant to and powerful as millennials, as we’re all so connected yet so disconnected. We’re able to connect through a few taps, able to see what our friends are up to, yet, maybe the abundance of connection has backfired and we don’t know how to connect. On a deep human soul level, not just a superficial IG / FB friend level. We’re also disconnected from ourselves.
We don’t know who we are or what we want from life, where we want to be, what we want. It shows us what we act like without an immediate safety net, no familiarity bubble, and it makes you get uncomfortable and this is kinda what life is like. Just uncomfortable situations always arising, demanding us to step into a new version of ourselves in order to see out the situation. It’s like training us for what’s to come.
It also trains us to get comfortable with who you are. What thoughts are you having - how are you speaking to yourself - where are your thoughts travelling to? Like yeah you can distract yourself and fill your mind with podcasts, music, movies, sight seeing etc. But there are periods where it is just you in your head, and we need to learn and listen and pay attention.
For me - I’ve caught myself thinking non-beneficial things and cycling old limiting beliefs and patterns, that I’ve consciously been working to interrupt, but no where near enough yet. Like the conclusions my brain would jump to and random shit I would think of, the assumptions, made up fantasies, my sense of self, my identity they all come to light. I realized I have not at all scratched the surface of doing the inner work to overcome my limiting beliefs. And as like “ah fuck” a moment as it was, its also empowering to be like “girl, get working on that”. Like I preach journaling, doing the self work, paying attention to your limiting beliefs, and now I get to walk my walk even more. Which helps me to grow so I’m able to help even more people, because I’m still always going to be doing that work and progression.
Travelling solo also enables you to settle in with yourself. It helps to build awareness - how can I rewrite a new story, what do I want to listen to in my head - rather than escape and down out ourselves wit distractions - Netflix, food, alcohol, drugs, and the other types of bingeing behaviors. Because you realize how much time you actually have when you’re rolling round by yourself. Its like damn, can I just be asleep already so I don’t have to be in my head. And that was a powerful moment, and being aware of what I’d reach for to pass the time.
I got to see what’s under the hood and what’s going on behind the scenes - who’s driving the subconscious brain. And when did they gain control?
2. Love is in abundance.
When you’re not pouring from your cup, you notice how much love and abundance you have, as there is no energy or other person to give it to.
Being solo, with no customers, friends, family, housemates, people I had energetic connections too, it made me realize how much love I leak. I know since looking after myself, the amount of love, energy and good vibes I’m able to share has multiplied crazy ways, and I honestly jut feel illuminated with energy and love and so, because I’m accustomed to being this, I tend to carelessly and skankily throw my energy and love at anyone and everyone – because to me, its in abundance. This also however, isn’t a beneficial pattern of behavior, because not only do I throw it away so to speak, leaving myself not receiving, I have phases where I’m like emotionally trashed, I get bitchy and short, and just have to invert, and recharge my own battery, because I’ve flatlined myself. This is my fault on all accords. Especially because a) I don’t feel I’m worthy of accepting love and energy back and so, I don’t open myself up to embracing and accepting and b) when I throw my energy (usually at fuck boys because of my own inadequacies and ideas of self worth) I know I’m just trying to “save” and “help” people and think if I give give give, it’ll somehow magically sink in and enable them to help themselves. Which as the saying goes, you cant lead a thirsty horse to water?? Or whatever it is.
Being alone, gave me the space to reassess the position of giving more than receiving. I’ve always been energetically blessed, I don’t know where to channel it - the energy is just like FUAAR. And, this trip I got to reflect and think - where do you want to put the love? Why am I always shifting it towards romantic love and wanting to reach out and text guys and have that energy channeled there, and the idea that in order to be worthy of love and receiving love that I always have to go above and beyond and be like 10000% giving, and drown people in my love because I can give everything, because I’m in a place of abundance.
And this limiting belief doesn’t serve me, and also makes me realize that I’m not in abundance, because I’m insecure that I’m only worthy if I’m giving, and that I have to “show off” these characteristics in order to be desirable. Head fuck I know right!!
And I’m trying to figure out where this programming stems from, is it the societal female? Always giving, emptying herself for those she loves, that maternal role, that king / queen dynamic? I don’t know. But it’s got me tripping. It’s like I accept less than I deserve, because I know I’m able to hold my own and suffice my own energy and love reserves. Its weird.
I also learnt that I need to be open to receiving, and be patient and sit in my true self and know that I’m worthy to receive and don’t need to shove it in peoples faces like “look, look how much love and energy I can give you, look at me, look how good I am”. Because that’s the small self, the ego self, the attention seeking self - which is what I want to get out of this trip - peel back some of my layers of insecurities - who are you, in this space, what stories do you hold, what do you value, where are you wanting to go, who are you wanting to be. And this small self stems deep into my childhood and as I mentioned, not receiving love in a language I understand.
Essentially, I’m realising that my “personal development” is fuck all. Because I want to be able to give love, have intention behind it, rather than just giving it because its in abundance and I have so much, ya know?
3. Asking for what you want.
This has been on many levels, a big lesson that I need to learn and am learning. As I’m sure you can grasp, I’m always channeling my Yoncé and being independent, doing everything myself - which yes is a total superpower BUT is also, so crippling at the same time, because I realize, again, I don’t think I’m worthy of asking for help – its this weird fear of rejection (also stemming from childhood GOD DAMN IT hahah).
When you’re travelling by yaself, yeah you defs lean on that independent trait, but also need to overcome depending on other people to like read our mind and help us out. Overcoming random fears and fears of judgement, and it sounds so small, but I know I do it all the time, and I’m betting you do to.
Being plant based for most of this trip, always having to ask and double check and make sure, always asking for chilli, and pepper to season ma meals haha, asking how to buy a ticket, just asking, whereas a lot of us sometimes offload asking to those closest to us. Like I know I do this I say “do you want me to ask for you?” and I even ask others sometimes to ask for me if I feel intimidated or insecure or whatever (also, every guys trying to get a girls number does this haha).
You’re forced to just ask for what you want and it builds character and growth. And again, gets you used to realizing the ego and fear of judgment.
There were also moments in my trip when I was driving with my friend, and like I just couldn’t handle the anxiety it was giving me (if you’ve driven in Italy you understand). And once upon a time I wouldn’t have said anything, and just let it fester inside, but instead, I spoke my truth, and even got out of the car and refused to get back in and walked home hahah but it felt SO GOOD honoring myself, my safety and speaking my voice and feelings. Just even standing up for myself, conveyed my self progression in establishing my sense of self and worth.
4. Makes you appreciate human connection
I totally reckon distance makes the heart fonder, because as humans I feel like we need polarity to appreciate. Especially as millennials, we’re all about that instantaneous-ness and immediate gratification life. And so, when it’s not as abundant as normal every day life is, we “miss it”.
For me, on this trip, I found myself wanting to connect more, and actually spend more time on my phone than I usually would (insecurities?!). Which was weird, as introverted as I am, I found myself wanting to talk to my friends and family so much more. This realization, made me see how much we need human connection to survive - living in a community, being of service, procreating - that is our human nature. And when isolated from that even though I still rang and DM’s and messaged my friends n fam, that face to face interaction which was abundant prior to coming over (retail lyf) had me in my feelings.
Doing a solo trip makes you appreciate the people in your life more. My coping mechanism has been “I don’t care” shut it off, wear my armor around, you don’t need anyone, fierce independence. And as I grow into myself, I’m getting back to the me prior to conditioning – that I love love, in all forms. And I love being in that space and being connected and intertwined with people, and not just shutting people out as a survival mechanism.
Also, I have a habit of always throwing love into the future of how I want my best friends, family, partner etc. to be, that I almost write off current connection and relationships and love because I’m always so fixated on the future and attaining the ideals that I wanted. And this has caused me to be blind to the magic and relationships that are blessing my life right now. And this trip has really brought me back into reality to cherish what I have in this moment, the people in my life right now - because they’re here as lessons and blessings, and I need to pull myself out of this future idealistic place and into the right now and realize that I’m blessed with beautiful people around me and that’s all that exists – is the right now (cheers Eckhart).
5. Trust. The. Universe
Everything is unfolding how it’s needing to. Leaning into this belief system, takes the pressure off the existential ache and pressures from the expectations we’re conditioned to bite into.
Realising where you are right now is exactly where you need to be, and un chains us from the expectations of time and “achievements” which cripples us (check out expectation episode). And it sounds woo woo, but legit just try it.
Enjoy what’s happening right now. Bring yourself into the present and realize there’s no point being anxious or make yourself feel shit about what you can’t control (to an extent). It also makes life more delicious, and reframe things, rather than “I have to” say “I get to” – take a day off coz I’m sick, wake up and go to the gym, wait in the airport for an hour, and see how reframing potentially sucky situations just blesses you uppppp.
Being in a tiny house in Amsterdam on a farm, I was like “this is awesome” and then it was night time and I was like “this is kinda scary” and then I like said a prayer (legit) to keep me safe and I also just surrendered that whatever was to happen (worstest case scenario haha) is just what’s gonna happen and this enables me to offload my fear, insecurities, scared-ness, anxiety just over to the universe like it is what it is. And like catching planes, its like “it is what it is” whatever happens, like that is it yo. So learning to not let fear and fucking ridiculous ideas take hold and influence my emotions was another thing that I learnt.
6. The Armour We Wear
Brene Brown speaks of how, as grow into adulthood, we’re taught to “armor up” and put up walls, protective mechanisms, coping strategies etc. to protect us from any type of vulnerability, shame, rejection and pain. But armor blocks both the bad and the good, and the lessons that come with the bad.
Due to my armor up mechanism, I have this weird martyrdom of giving, but never feeling worthy of receiving, which has me blocking out raw love and connection. Like I give so much love and energy, and growing up, the reciprocation of this was scarce, and so I put scarcity around love, around value, around my worth, because I was never shown in in a love language (take the quiz here) that I understand that I was loved and worthy to feel safe and secured and taken care of.
So the scarcity of receiving love has created these patterns which are being brought more to the surface, so I’m able to be aware and transmute them, and reprogram my subconscious beliefs - that I just give with no end, not ever thinking I’m “allowed” to ask for love back. This also circulates around ideas of neediness and desperateness – but I’m like – why can’t we just use our voice to ask for love? If it’s not being conveyed in a way you can receive and recognize, I feel communicating that amongst our loved ones is key to meaningful relationships.
So I am learning how to live in an abundant place and accept love and know that I’m worthy of love, time and attention just as I am - not because of any act, not because of my beauty, not because of my charisma, skills, knowledge, or anything like that – that can be measured. That I am worthy of receiving love just as I am. In my light and in my darkness.
7. Embracing the warrior energy
Being a female, alone, I automatically kind of encased myself in this very primal, masculine, hyper-alert energy to create physical safety and put out “don’t fuck with me” vibes.
As a female, I was taught to ignore comments, whistling, etc. – even when the person was a woman. I remember just being told to do this incase “they try to hurt you” or any of that shit, because you’ve bitten back. Which I TOTALLY get, because if you react, you’re inviting them to react, and you also probably hit their ego and yeah. So I understand why my parents taught me that (although my Dad taught me how to fight, just incase haha), and I also feel like not engaging with people on such a low vibrating energy is best.
So when I was travelling / I’m writing this as I still am, I actually enjoyed embodying this persona and energy. Being hyper vigilant, and having that protective momma bear, aggressive energy, its empowering to know that that energy is in there. It also enabled me to build upon the independence foundation and not feel inadequately safe if I didn’t have a guy with me.
8. How we’re so baby human.
This realization, that we’re all legit just baby humans hits you when you’re out of your comfort bubble. The reliance we have on familiarity, routine, and habits and how when we’re thrusted into new environments, that require us to learn, is a nice reminder that we really are so human.
When we’re in health, doing our daily things, sometimes we think we’re invincible, we think that we’re legit, we have that underlying confidence because we know our route to work, we know the roles we play - our habits create comfort. And being outside your comfort zone makes you giggle at how retarded you are. Like for me, just learning to catch all the metros in the different countries, I felt like such an infant it was awesome. It made me reflect on other aspects of my life, like as a Nutritionist & Life Coach – I don’t know shit, and still have sooo much to learn. And it made me excited to want to learn more, to build more confidence in such areas.
It also shone light on the insecurity of being ‘other’ – as I wanted to assimilate in and pretend “I go here” and not be seen as a tourist (coz I’m weirdly competitive like that haha?). I wanted to belong, I wanted to blend in – which again, is a human trait we have. To belong to a group, and not be the “other”. There’s interesting studies, on how this idea of “same” and “other” shuts off emotional recognition and empathetic pathways in the brain, hence how racism, genocide and war’s able to happen. There’s us vs. them. And this mentality literally changes how we interact with other humans. So underlying, this subconscious attainment to be seen as “same” as a safety mechanism is crazy to think bout and realize. Like likes like.
LOVE YOU ALL, xxxxxx