How to Stop Cheating Yourself

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aka creating non-negotiables & healthy habits.

 

I've been consuming ALOT of Andy Frisella (@andyfrisella), Ed Mylett (@edmylett), David Meltzer (@davidmeltzer) and Grant Cardone (@grantcardone)lately, and so this blog was inspired by their content!

 

I truly feel, and like every highly successful person also preaches - that creating non-negotiables (NN) in your life - in regards to your habits and behaviours is key to being a thriving millennial and being an abundant boss badass individual.


Lets define what we’re talking about when we say non-negotiables -

Its behaviours or actions you do, that enable you to be your best self, and thus must not be waivered by any incoming peer pressure or egotistic whispers.

They’re engrained into your core being, that to dishonour your NN would be to dishonour yourself and your journey.


Our brain LOVES momentum, so when we create these NN – whether their actions or thoughts, regardless how small you may think they are or how “easy” your brains secretly like YAAAS, and this starts to compound.

It’s like the saying “you don’t have to see the whole stair case, just the first step” - MLK.

When we start executing and actually honouring our NN, we create and build momentum.

We're building beneficial habits, we’re carving out that time to improve who we are, we're acting like the person we want to be and cultivating confidence in ourselves - which are all positives.


Us humans are innately lazy. We’re lazy creatures. Unless, it’s for a purpose. Then we’re the most vivacious, gung-ho, tenacious creatures, and that’s the underlying core belief you have to cement – your non-negotiable are for a purpose. Whether its getting up at 6 every morning and going for a run, or training at the gym 5 days a week, or if you meditate every morning, if you drink 2L of water a day, if you don’t answer emails until a certain time, if you read 1 chapter before bed, if you have family dinner once a week, if you get your hair done weekly, if you save a certain amount of money each pay, whatever it is that resonates with you, and your higher self and the person you want to be – make that a non-negotiable.

When we envision who we want to be, we need to get deep into it, what does this version of you do? What do you act like, look like, feel like, sound like - and then you do that.

Live out your fantasy version self, and attach emotions to it.

And when we do this, we begin weave these actions into our NN, and as the brain likes what’s familiar, it begins to look for cues and stimuli (subconscious or conscious) that are familiar, and it becomes a habit. These habits become subconscious and automatic – freeing up energy and ‘space’ to focus energy on other things.


With all the stimulus’ flying at us constantly, creating effective habits is the most effective way to ensure you’re able to not only become the person you want to be, but also flex the self-restraint muscles to follow through, even when you don’t want to - building resiliency and strength, both mentally, physically and emotionally.

Creating NN’s in our lives is actually, also, quite simply, honouring ourselves. It’s respecting yourself (past, present and future) to know that it’s important. It also helps us to recognise and over-come the self-sabotage loops we build and experience.


We also live out inhibiting habits, which too are usually baked into our subconscious. So by consciously, bringing your behaviours into your attention.

When we start to recognise our self-sabotaging tendencies throughout our days, we can dive into them, unwravel them and discover where they came from, why they’re there, what lesson or purpose do they serve, and then continue to deconstruct them and replace them with our aligning NN, literally building yourself up and diving deeper on that self-discovery adventure.

Further, when we’re faced with judgement and peer pressure from external forces, such as our friends, family, loved ones, co-workers, partners, society, celebrity culture, whoever it is, we’re forced to stand in our own. We’re forced to be brave, be vulnerable, be strong and “brave the wilderness”. Everything Brene Brown brilliantly shares in her work. And when we’re able to be brave, be vulnerable and be strong, we not only deepen our relationships and connections, we also stay true to who we are, and we learn to brave the wilderness in all our glory. We deepen our sense of self, and that - is powerful.


But, as the great entrepreneurs of our generation cement - execution is everything. If you’re not actually doing it, not seeing through your NN, then you’re cheating yourself. And when you don’t stay true to yourself or what you say you’re going to do, then you’re just disappointing yourself and disappointment as the emotion, fucking sucks.

We all know how shit disappointment feels, especially when you disappoint yourself. Like you KNOW you could’ve done better, and start the coulda, shoulda, woulda – and replay scenarios in your head acting out different variables, causing us to have anxiety and regrets.

Instead of this familiar disappointment routine, what we need to be doing in these situations, is take away a key lesson and learning, and then adopt that, make it part of your make up, and then the next time use that as a fuel source, use that disappointment and emotion to propel you to act, to execute, to see out what you said you were going to.

We get that dopamine and serotonin wave, and we feel awesome. And we’re wired to seek out actions and behaviours that enable us to have this surge and release of endorphins and feel good neurotransmitters. And this is how patterns and habits emerge – because there is a pay off, an outcome that is biologically and emotionally rewarding.

And this all sounds good and actionable, until it happens. Until you’re faced with a situation or person/s who threaten to challenge this. And it could even be yourself - you know that inner voice that tells you to snooze the alarm, blow it off, reassure yourself you don’t need to do it. And this sneaky self-sabotage is something we need to be aware of, and fuck it off, and replace it because it too is a pattern - Don’t snuggle back into bed, don’t reassure yourself (as nothing is guaranteed) you’ll do it later, and don’t lie to yourself in that you don’t need to do it.

Because whatever this is, it’s beneficial to you, that’s why you’re aspiring to do it, so why would you try to pretend otherwise? #extrafacts


So, start creating non-negotiables in your life.

When internal and external forces rise in an attempt to test your strength and your NN, stand strong. Build that resilience and sense of self. Not only will you be grateful for it, the future you will be too and your mission will be too, because it’s enabling you to grow at each step and stand true in your essence and purpose and serve the world the way your soul intended you too.

It’s also just super freeing and liberating, that sense of sovereignty, knowing nothing can break or disturb these behaviours, they are yours, sacred, they honour you, you don’t have to experience the anxiety or indecision, or regret, or disappointment that comes along when we fumble and don’t honour our non-negotiables, which is a lovely way to live.

the end

xxx eliza aka TMN aka i love making things into acronyms