A HOW TO GUIDE FOR DETOXING NEGATIVE PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE
Or hey. at least i tried to give you a guide.
SO in this blog we’re going to explore how to let go of toxic people in our lives. Practising this will enable us to fully transform and step into who we want to be, and make space for g things to manifest.
We’ll explore the tangible steps to take to let go of toxic people, how to eradicate guilt, letting go of others opinions and validation (as they’re usually toxic and don’t serve us), and how we should aim to be following inspirational or purposeful people on social media, who align with our truth. And then moving in alignment and how to surround ourselves with people who will propel us forward.
So, lawd knows that I’ve done my fair share of culling toxic people from my life. And I don’t mean this to come across as rude or bitchy or me being an entitled person at all. It just is what it is.
We’re constantly evolving as people, and each new level requires a new version of ourselves. And so often, we have to shed the people who in the past, have helped up, but they tend to hold us back when we try to level up, because they’re afraid and have their own set of limiting beliefs.
When we decide to consciously let go of people who no longer serve us in life, it’s important to communicate it effectively to that person, not beat ourselves up or second guess if we’re a “good person” and not feel obligated to stay stuck and pour our energy into these people. It’s also okay to mourn a friendship/relationship/familyship/workship/mentorship/clientship whatever you had with these people.
It’s okay to reminisce and hold memories in our hearts, and to remember the good times and connection we had. And then we learn to let that go. With no ill feelings or negativity. Just as a self-progression must do. It’s like school. Each year, we have to go into a new year, a new class, a new teacher, and we miss the old ones but know it’s for our own growth. It’s like that. In real life application.
So, how do you know when a person is no longer serving you / is toxic?
- they put your ideas down – constantly. This is the whole “I was thinking about x, y, z” and they’re all like “oh true.” But add zero input, or just make you feel dumb, belittled, unimportant, seem disinterested, offer no value or feedback.
- They often meet you with “what if’s”, play the worst case scenario every scenario, make you double think yourself, that kind of thing.
- These people also tend to like to keep you exactly where you are – because you’re right there with them. And they cling to that safety, reassurance and sense of certainty. Which is suffocating to you and your growth.
- They tend to not have developed much, in regards to ideas, values, day-to-day things, they usually respond with “oh you know, same shit different day”.
- They’re unable to meet your level of excitement when you’re excited about an idea, venture, dream, etc. They’re like party poopers.
- They talk about themselves 99% of the time.
- They offer no tangible help or advice.
- They tell you to “be realistic”.
- You feel drained, not energised when you see them / speek to them. It feels like a chore and “something you have to do”.
- You start to get the feels of avoidance. Like seeing them is like “man id soooo rather not”.
- You have fuck all to talk about. Except old times.
- You realise the connection is gone. And that’s okay. We just recognise each other as people we once loved, and the loves there it’s just not in the present moment.
So, we’re realising that this person isn’t serving us (you’re nodding and being like “oh shit, yes”). And just makes us feel like we’re stuck. What’s next?
Next we take action.
I feel the most appropriate approach is to slowly but surely, let the ‘ship’ die. Sounds harsh but just follow me for a second. They ask you to hang out / catch up/ do something? You don’t need to make an excuse. You can just honestly say “hey I can’t sorry!! Hope you have a good time though!!”. We’re not obliged to create fake scenarios and it just adds unnecessary stress to our lives, and lying is shit. Lets just be honest.
So each opportunity, we just let it pass. We don’t engage. We don’t give our energy, we just keep it chill, and polite. And if they’re like “I don’t see you anymore wtf”, you can just say “I know I’m sorry, I just don’t do what we used to do, like it doesn’t serve me anymore”. And either they understand and respect that, and have the awareness to realise you’re changed and that’s not your thing, and whether they then reach out to ask you about your own self growth and help them to fuel there’s, and then there’s potential for the ship to continue, or they just accept it for what it is, and no longer make effort either and that’s how it sizzles away.
I don’t feel there needs to be any beef or negative confrontation, although I’ve had to had a few awkward af conversations being like “yeah so I’m probably not going to see you anymore type thing, just because I don’t feel we align and add value to each others lives”. And yep. They thought I was a fucking bitch. But I did what was right in my heart and for me and my future. And didn’t feel the need to sugar coat shit for their sake. And the same has happened to me in reverse, where I’ve had ships who have outgrown me, and I’m the one reaching out and getting the “I’ve grown yo” response. And it’s kinda invigorating and brutal at the same time. Like I realised and was like HOLY FUCK THIS MEANS I NEED TO LEVEL UP TOO MAN BECAUSE THIS PERSON MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. And thus, the first scenario I described happened.
And the opposite also happened, a friend just stopped talking to me. And I made a bunch of effort. And nothing. And I was like “aight” because I had the awareness to realise that she might be experiencing that I no longer served her, or could add value to her life, and we just didn’t align. And so I stopped making the effort. That’s also an optional approach. To just not make effort. Not reply. Nu phone who dis?
That’s the more upfront method to getting rid of toxic people.
Other ways is, just to sugar coat it if you feel more comfortable, and make reasons and excuses for your absence, and just hope they get the drift and let you go.
Also, the more you hang out with people you want to be around and who drive you, add value, energise you, will also create more space between you and them, thus makes it easier to make the transition.
And with social media these days, its so easy for people to get what we’re about, what we’re doing, our changing identity, etc. It’s not like some mysterious thing. I think it’s fairly obvious when you see a person change. And you vibe the energy, its usually different.
When we let go of toxic people, we make space for new ships to come in, the universe will align it / make effort, reach out in the DM’s, be at spaces you want to be where your tribe will be, and connect.
And upon this journey of detoxing people out of your lives, is to let go of any power their opinions or any validation they give you. Learn and know that their opinions are sourced from their experiences. Their belief systems. Their upbringing, their lives. Not yours.
And so, unless you feel it serves a purpose to respect and take on their opinion, unless its challenging you, constructive feedback, fuck it. You can listen, but you don’t have to absorb it. You don’t have to let it penetrate your energy bubble as I call it (essentially your energy has a bubble around you, and it protects you from shit people and shit advice and haters and other stuff) its like a wall, but less rigid. Coz we want to let some stuff in, but not others. Like a blood brain barrier haha.
Release the validation they give you. Release their opinions manifesting into your own. Let it go. And fill that space with your own, or those who you aspire to be like, admire and love.
It’s okay to let go, it’s okay to feel guilty, but feel it, acknowledge it, and let it go. Let it pass on through. It’s not worth marinating in and fucking with your head.
Will you have an identity crisis? Who knows. I have one like every week I reckon haha. Like Dre used to say “how are ya, who are ya, why are ya, what are ya”. (also the greatest set of questions ever @1drayza). It’s a convoluted bitter sweet, like letting go of people who have had such tremendous input and impact in your life, to forge your own path without negative input or being held back.
So hopefully, reading this has made you aware of those in your life that aren’t cheering you on to success, happiness and growth. And I’ve hopefully eloquently (lol) explained some approaches to creating distance and removing these people from your lives.
Now, to add onto this is non-real life friends, its our instagram feeds and FB home page. With the algorithms in place as they are, we have even more of an ability to only consume the content of those we engage with and want to (just saying tho, bring back chronological IG feeds bruh).
I often go through “unfollowing” sprees, in which SAVAGE AF TO HEAR BUT I just unfollow people that legit don’t align with my values, or just don’t really do anything for me. It’s like passive consumption of keeping you complacent and settling and stuck. I also feel on this, it’s okay to not follow people you love if what they’re uploading and sharing doesn’t add to your life. Like you can still love people and not follow them haha. We’re not socially or morally obliged to follow anyone. And I feel a lot of us are afraid to do that, out of fear of confrontation or hurting peoples feelings or making it a bigger deal than what it is. Like we need to take the power away from it.
So, unfollow those people who are toxic / don’t add value and start following awesome pages and people that inspire, motivate, encourage, support and challenge you to level up and live your true self.
I also feel on this entire topic, im not saying “purge everyone in your entire life who is negative or adds negativity” because that’s not how the world works. They’re will always be negative push backs from people in our lives, its more just take the power away from it. Don’t engage in it, and surround yourself with a team of bad bitches, not whiners, low energy, scarcity mindset, limited peeps 24/7. Like construct your life, make space and attract awesome influential people into your lives.
YAY THE END.
Let me know your thoughts on this blog, whether via IG @themillennialnutritionists or below
Love e, aka TMN aka the negativity eraser aka the bubble creator