deep dive - it’s not me, its you.

Literally though. (unless, maybe it is you because you're a jerk. but in contexts, it's usually them haha, so jus hear me out)


So, unapologetically i wrote this last week, because there was this crazy reoccurring theme that I kept being confronted with (and no lie, this week was no different either hey). Whether its personally, or friends sharing their experience, or just it being brought up in conversation. This idea of, how others treat you, respond, interact, react, is never on you. It’s always on them.

Newton's third law of physics (essentially says) - for every interaction, there is a reaction.

And most people's reactions are their armours (Brene Brown ya queen). How they deal and interact is based upon their own environment, experiences, habits, limiting beliefs, stories that define them and their upbringing. (and guess what, you are also one of these 'people'!!! haha). 

This can play out in many scenarios. most of which, i'm damn sure you've experienced, and been left over-thinking, replaying, confused, upset and just like "wtf".

Whether it’s a friend who always puts you down, whether directly or indirectly, sneakily, just those little comments that you catch yourself being like “am I really like that?”.

Whether it’s a parent’s comments or lack of support in a decision you’ve made or want to make, that makes you second-guess yourself and think maybe you should do the opposite (theres a time and place though yo).

Whether it’s a boss that loses their shit at you, and makes you feel worthless, guilty and belittled.

Whether it’s a customer that made you feel inadequate and useless.

Whether it’s a lover no longer interested, that makes you replay things in your head and wonder what you did wrong.

And I’m here to tell you, nothing. In all these scenarios, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not you. It’s them. 

You’re never not enough.

You’re never worthy of being treated unfairly. It’s always just an insight into their pain, vulnerability, insecurities and lack of self-awareness.

They’re armoured up. They’re standing there, hiding their vulnerability, shame, confusion, and instead, inflict a type of self-pain via you, their outlet, to ease their misalignment.

Inside, they’re not aligned with their purpose, their magic, their why, their soul, whatever you want to name it. They’re not happy. Not content. Not fulfilled. Not abundant. Not thriving. So, the only way to ease the pain, is to dish it out, and make others seem the same, feel the same, so we’re not alone. Which is our human condition. To connect. To not be alone. To relate. So, by these actions, they feel less alone, less insecure, less vulnerable.


It’s often difficult to separate other people’s opinions and perspectives of us, and our own intuitive internal one. I feel as humans we depend on the external to align and reaffirm our internal. We’re constantly in taking cues and signals from the periphery, to the central, to relay information to our brains and keep us safe and in check. And I don’t see why this is any different with other people.


We’re constantly in a feedback loop, and when the people around you, are not aligning with your internal perspective, things can get skewed.

Like our self-worth. Our self-esteem. Our confidence.

And these things are essential arsenals to get through this life of ours. They cause us to either armour up, shut out, or just let ourselves be hurt and confused, OR be thriving millennials.

So I write this, as a reminder that, whether it’s happening to you, has happened, or in preparation for when it does happen. In these times, when you come face to face with these people and situations, where you feel you’re not enough, not worthy, stop. Be aware of this idea. And realise, it’s not you. You are enough. You are worthy. This is not a flaw of yours, but rather a flaw of theirs. And it is to take no impact upon you, your heart, soul, mood, or state. It shall not dim your light, distract you, impact you, it shall pass on through. And all we can wish for, is that these people wake up to their vulnerabilities and flaws, meet them face to face, and progress, self-develop so they too can pass on the message of, it’s not you. It’s them. 

Also, as I sit on my couch, listening to G-Eazy, the nostalgia of remembering how for so long, I was so UNAWARE that it wasn’t me. That I wasn’t the one not worthy. That it’s them. They’re not worthy. Of your energy, friendship, love, effort, apology, and time. And all we can do is see it for what it is, and let is pass through.

And check yourself also. As you're also the them. so be aware.

wake up to the kind of patterns of behaviour you're repeating, based upon your own armour and insecurities.

And sit with it. think about it. and make the conscious choice to go forward separated from this automated behaviour. rewrite your own interface. 

I also feel, as a side note that this message is intended to be consumed by those already on the path of self-awareness. And is encouraged not as to instil a victim mentality, but rather a self-preserving idea. That this concept, doesn't really apply to those situations where you're indeed, being an asshole, and it is, indeed your fault. haha

One love

E aka TMN aka check yoself before you wreck yoself