book review: high performance habits

by Brendon Burchard.

I get hit up all the tine for book recommendations.

And im actually so fucking grateful that a) I can read b) I enjoy reading c) I was encouraged to read as a kid. Because honestly, reading books is THE MOST VALUABLE ASSET, its like someones entire life experience condensed into pages that you consume. 

SO, I’ve decided to do book reviews of each book I read / the ones that I feel will be able to serve you and add to your life.

 

So, yesterday i finished Brendon Burchard’s High Performance Habits.

It was a really really good read. I loved it. I wrote all over it, made notes, doggy eared pages i loved and took it with me on many adventures haha.

He did a bunch of researchers, both qualitative and quantitative and determines there is 6 key habits each high performer has and consistently acts out, and that upon incorporating these into our lives, we too can experience a greater level of performance, whatever domain that may be.

High performers – are individuals who consistently, for long periods of time perform at a high standard and have abundance in all realms of life – so business, personal, health, relationships, etc etc.


There’s a bunch of epic quotes throughout the book in chapter intro’s, FOR EXAMPLE:

“don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive”

– Howard Thurman (pg. 78).

And heaps of nuggets by Brendon.


KEY TAKE AWAYS:

 

-       Replace certainty with curiosity and genuine self confidence, not ego bubbles.

-   Don’t fear your new ambitions. Or fear them. But do it anyways ja feel.

-       Become aware and act accordingly with the person we want to be, from the onset and throughout (my Geordie shore reference to spice it up haha)

-       It’s about rising to serve a mission, not the mission lowering itself to match my limited strengths. (again this goes on from the growth mindset Carol Dweck).

-       Make and block out time to study and learn skills you need, and develop them obesessively.

-       We need to carve out our niche and primary interest.

-       Releasing energies and thoughts from previous situations before stepping into new ones – literally, like as you step into the door to home or work, or out of the car, consciously let go of whatever was playing on your mind and meet the new moment and create what you will from it,

-       Be excited about life. And be conscious of that excitement and let it drive you

-       “Set new standards, self-monitor more frequently…” (pg 137) and learn to become comfortable analysing and looking at your own performance, without our own personal bias. Like recognise our flaws and our own blind spots.

-       Let yourself geek out and jump in deep about those things that spark our interest and align with our souls. (pg 141).

-   When trying to get out of our own heads / create perspective, speak to ourselves in 2nd and 3rd person (which I really do a lot of when I make dumb decisions / am at the gym haha).

-       Progressive mastery is the name of the game. Which links into our niche / calling / primary interest / purpose / dabbled interest etc.

-       Challenge peoples ways of thinking, in regards to develop their character, connections and contributions.

-       Identify where we’re making excuses and how life might be if we showed up stronger (pg 240).

-       Legacy? And under what circumstances will we measure ours?

-       IF YOU NEED HELP. ASK FOR IT. PUT YOUR HAND UP, AND THEN SEEK, EMBRACE AND APPRECIATE THAT HELP.

-       Struggle is a necessity for growth and true high performance. We often quit too easily because we’re encumbered in a society that promotes “quick fixes”, “hacks” and one pill magic’s, instead of the real path which is struggle, struggle and some more struggle.

-       So don’t shy away when hard times come, meet them, embrace them and get through them.


JUS A FEW GREAT SNIPPETS / EXERPTS THAT I LOVED

 

-       “certainty ltimately blinds you, sets false or fixed limits and creates “automatic” habits that become predictable…” “the person who is most certain is most closed to learning” (pg. 13)

-        “seek clarity to who you want to be, how you want to interact with others, what you want, and what will bring you the greatest meaning” (pg 37.)

-       “effectiveness… is the result of how we consciously strive to meet life’s harder challenges, grow beyond our comforts, and deliberately work to overcome our biases and preferences…” (pg 40).

-       “never wait to pursue a dream…out of fear that you lack the “right stuff”” (pg.50).

-       “when you’re constantly juggling and feeling depleted, you don’t think about the future” (pg. 70). This leads into the importance and place of self-love and recharging our batteries in order to be our best.

-       “feeling that you have to do something isn’t always comfortable” (pg. 137). And that’s where vulnerability and growth come into play. Which is what its ALL ABOUT WHICH I STILL STRUGGLE TO DO AND PROBS ALWAYS DO COZ BEING A PUSSY BITCH IS IMBEDDED IN OUR CULTURE AND DNA BRUH.

-       we’re less courageous as a society today because we avoid struggle, and that decision leaves us with underdeveloped character and strength” (pg. 267)

 


yay. So that sums up this good read, def’s valuable for anyone wanting to step it up, adopt and understand key tangible skills that high performers constantly, forever, implement, forever and ever the end 

 

LOVE E aka TMN 

 

a how to guide for detoxing negative people


A HOW TO GUIDE FOR DETOXING NEGATIVE PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE

Or hey. at least i tried to give you a guide. 

SO in this blog we’re going to explore how to let go of toxic people in our lives. Practising this will enable us to fully transform and step into who we want to be, and make space for g things to manifest.

 

We’ll explore the tangible steps to take to let go of toxic people, how to eradicate guilt, letting go of others opinions and validation (as they’re usually toxic and don’t serve us), and how we should aim to be following inspirational or purposeful people on social media, who align with our truth. And then moving in alignment and how to surround ourselves with people who will propel us forward.


So, lawd knows that I’ve done my fair share of culling toxic people from my life. And I don’t mean this to come across as rude or bitchy or me being an entitled person at all. It just is what it is.

We’re constantly evolving as people, and each new level requires a new version of ourselves. And so often, we have to shed the people who in the past, have helped up, but they tend to hold us back when we try to level up, because they’re afraid and have their own set of limiting beliefs.

When we decide to consciously let go of people who no longer serve us in life, it’s important to communicate it effectively to that person, not beat ourselves up or second guess if we’re a “good person” and not feel obligated to stay stuck and pour our energy into these people. It’s also okay to mourn a friendship/relationship/familyship/workship/mentorship/clientship whatever you had with these people.

It’s okay to reminisce and hold memories in our hearts, and to remember the good times and connection we had. And then we learn to let that go. With no ill feelings or negativity. Just as a self-progression must do. It’s like school. Each year, we have to go into a new year, a new class, a new teacher, and we miss the old ones but know it’s for our own growth. It’s like that. In real life application.


So, how do you know when a person is no longer serving you / is toxic?

 

-       they put your ideas down – constantly. This is the whole “I was thinking about x, y, z” and they’re all like “oh true.” But add zero input, or just make you feel dumb, belittled, unimportant, seem disinterested, offer no value or feedback.

-       They often meet you with “what if’s”, play the worst case scenario every scenario, make you double think yourself, that kind of thing.

-       These people also tend to like to keep you exactly where you are – because you’re right there with them. And they cling to that safety, reassurance and sense of certainty. Which is suffocating to you and your growth.

-       They tend to not have developed much, in regards to ideas, values, day-to-day things, they usually respond with “oh you know, same shit different day”.

-       They’re unable to meet your level of excitement when you’re excited about an idea, venture, dream, etc. They’re like party poopers.

-       They talk about themselves 99% of the time.

-       They offer no tangible help or advice.

-       They tell you to “be realistic”.

-       You feel drained, not energised when you see them / speek to them. It feels like a chore and “something you have to do”.

-       You start to get the feels of avoidance. Like seeing them is like “man id soooo rather not”.

-       You have fuck all to talk about. Except old times.

-       You realise the connection is gone. And that’s okay. We just recognise each other as people we once loved, and the loves there it’s just not in the present moment.


So, we’re realising that this person isn’t serving us (you’re nodding and being like “oh shit, yes”). And just makes us feel like we’re stuck. What’s next?

 

Next we take action.


I feel the most appropriate approach is to slowly but surely, let the ‘ship’ die. Sounds harsh but just follow me for a second. They ask you to hang out / catch up/ do something? You don’t need to make an excuse. You can just honestly say “hey I can’t sorry!! Hope you have a good time though!!”. We’re not obliged to create fake scenarios and it just adds unnecessary stress to our lives, and lying is shit. Lets just be honest.

 

So each opportunity, we just let it pass. We don’t engage. We don’t give our energy, we just keep it chill, and polite. And if they’re like “I don’t see you anymore wtf”, you can just say “I know I’m sorry, I just don’t do what we used to do, like it doesn’t serve me anymore”. And either they understand and respect that, and have the awareness to realise you’re changed and that’s not your thing, and whether they then reach out to ask you about your own self growth and help them to fuel there’s, and then there’s potential for the ship to continue, or they just accept it for what it is, and no longer make effort either and that’s how it sizzles away.

 

I don’t feel there needs to be any beef or negative confrontation, although I’ve had to had a few awkward af conversations being like “yeah so I’m probably not going to see you anymore type thing, just because I don’t feel we align and add value to each others lives”. And yep. They thought I was a fucking bitch. But I did what was right in my heart and for me and my future. And didn’t feel the need to sugar coat shit for their sake. And the same has happened to me in reverse, where I’ve had ships who have outgrown me, and I’m the one reaching out and getting the “I’ve grown yo” response. And it’s kinda invigorating and brutal at the same time. Like I realised and was like HOLY FUCK THIS MEANS I NEED TO LEVEL UP TOO MAN BECAUSE THIS PERSON MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. And thus, the first scenario I described happened.

 

And the opposite also happened, a friend just stopped talking to me. And I made a bunch of effort. And nothing. And I was like “aight” because I had the awareness to realise that she might be experiencing that I no longer served her, or could add value to her life, and we just didn’t align. And so I stopped making the effort. That’s also an optional approach. To just not make effort. Not reply. Nu phone who dis?

 

That’s the more upfront method to getting rid of toxic people.


Other ways is, just to sugar coat it if you feel more comfortable, and make reasons and excuses for your absence, and just hope they get the drift and let you go.

Also, the more you hang out with people you want to be around and who drive you, add value, energise you, will also create more space between you and them, thus makes it easier to make the transition.

And with social media these days, its so easy for people to get what we’re about, what we’re doing, our changing identity, etc. It’s not like some mysterious thing. I think it’s fairly obvious when you see a person change. And you vibe the energy, its usually different.

When we let go of toxic people, we make space for new ships to come in, the universe will align it / make effort, reach out in the DM’s, be at spaces you want to be where your tribe will be, and connect.


And upon this journey of detoxing people out of your lives, is to let go of any power their opinions or any validation they give you. Learn and know that their opinions are sourced from their experiences. Their belief systems. Their upbringing, their lives. Not yours.

And so, unless you feel it serves a purpose to respect and take on their opinion, unless its challenging you, constructive feedback, fuck it. You can listen, but you don’t have to absorb it. You don’t have to let it penetrate your energy bubble as I call it (essentially your energy has a bubble around you, and it protects you from shit people and shit advice and haters and other stuff) its like a wall, but less rigid. Coz we want to let some stuff in, but not others. Like a blood brain barrier haha.

Release the validation they give you. Release their opinions manifesting into your own. Let it go. And fill that space with your own, or those who you aspire to be like, admire and love.

It’s okay to let go, it’s okay to feel guilty, but feel it, acknowledge it, and let it go. Let it pass on through. It’s not worth marinating in and fucking with your head.


Will you have an identity crisis? Who knows. I have one like every week I reckon haha. Like Dre used to say “how are ya, who are ya, why are ya, what are ya”. (also the greatest set of questions ever @1drayza). It’s a convoluted bitter sweet, like letting go of people who have had such tremendous input and impact in your life, to forge your own path without negative input or being held back.

 

So hopefully, reading this has made you aware of those in your life that aren’t cheering you on to success, happiness and growth. And I’ve hopefully eloquently (lol) explained some approaches to creating distance and removing these people from your lives.


Now, to add onto this is non-real life friends, its our instagram feeds and FB home page. With the algorithms in place as they are, we have even more of an ability to only consume the content of those we engage with and want to (just saying tho, bring back chronological IG feeds bruh).

 

I often go through “unfollowing” sprees, in which SAVAGE AF TO HEAR BUT I just unfollow people that legit don’t align with my values, or just don’t really do anything for me. It’s like passive consumption of keeping you complacent and settling and stuck. I also feel on this, it’s okay to not follow people you love if what they’re uploading and sharing doesn’t add to your life. Like you can still love people and not follow them haha. We’re not socially or morally obliged to follow anyone. And I feel a lot of us are afraid to do that, out of fear of confrontation or hurting peoples feelings or making it a bigger deal than what it is. Like we need to take the power away from it.

 

So, unfollow those people who are toxic / don’t add value and start following awesome pages and people that inspire, motivate, encourage, support and challenge you to level up and live your true self.


I also feel on this entire topic, im not saying “purge everyone in your entire life who is negative or adds negativity” because that’s not how the world works. They’re will always be negative push backs from people in our lives, its more just take the power away from it. Don’t engage in it, and surround yourself with a team of bad bitches, not whiners, low energy, scarcity mindset, limited peeps 24/7. Like construct your life, make space and attract awesome influential people into your lives.

 

YAY THE END.

 

Let me know your thoughts on this blog, whether via IG @themillennialnutritionists or below 

 

Love e, aka TMN aka the negativity eraser aka the bubble creator 


 
 

deep dive - the "not enough" dialogue

Just FYI, I feel Justin's album so perfectly fitted this topic, so you know i had to. 


So I’ve been wanting to jump into more holistic ways of expressing myself, even though I love nutrition I also am so passionate about abundance living and feel following your soul is the way to live.

Like, we as millennials live in the most abundant time in history, we have access to anything and everything within a few touches, swipes, and keyboard clicks. Yet, something is still holding us back from jumping out of our comfortable pond into the deep unknown, where a part of us has such a yearning and desire to be. And that blockage is the words and stories we tell ourselves, and have been told our entire lives.

This concept of “not enough” - not enough, money, time, resources, support, reasoning, we’re conditioned to settle and accept what we have as enough, and compare it to those who aren’t as privileged or blessed as up as a way of keeping us in this comfortable pond. And yet this is even further re-engineered to keep up in our pond by providing content of lives that seem impossible to achieve, and so it knocks any dreams and ideas we have back down, reinviting that self-esteem gremlin to emerge and keep us comfortable where we are. 

 


But this is where we need to smash these concepts and not settle. Don’t just be complacent thinking this is all you can ever get, or will have. Don’t feel guilty or bad or ashamed to demand more of yourself, your environment, your surroundings and your life. Don’t feel bad for wanting to break away from your pond and just put yourself out there, and yes failing is part of it. Feeling vulnerable is part of it. I

t’s scary. You feel alone, confused, unsure, stupid, anxious, lame, and any other emotion you’ve probably experienced when you jump outside your comfort zone / pond. But what always happens on the other side? Damn do you feel liberated, proud, strong and more in touch with yourself. You grow. And that’s essential.

 


I feel to cultivate this kind of thinking, mentality and actually acting on it, we need to do it on a daily basis, on a smaller scale, and build up the confidence and trust that it’ll all work out as its meant to. All hardships are lessons and blessings that build resilience, a deeper understanding of self and what we’re here to do. Its all relative and all about perspective.

So every day, lets do something small that scares you, or is different to what we’re currently doing. For me, I’ll switch up where I get my coffee, push myself to talk to customers I’d usually avoid / ignore (soz not soz), have conversations and connect with people I usually don’t invest in, hit on hotties and just own the rejection, have uncomfortable conversations, wear clothes that make me feel insecure, because its only through going through things, do we surface victorious.

We’re like Mario at the end, where you run really fast and jump as high as you can onto the flag to enter the next world. I also feel like Mario world is the ULTIMATE analogy for life! Like the levels, the end goal aka Peach, the helpers (stars, 2ups, 2 player), and the fall-backs, which cause us to shrink back in size and feel not so invincible.

 


So, following your purpose and finding your passion and adding more meaning to you life. How do we even do this? How many books do I need to read to learn the “secret sauce”? From my experience, it’s pretty simple.

Change.

You don’t like something,

Change.

We don’t have to stay stuck. Yes, certain circumstances may cause us to stay somewhere for longer than we’re wanting, but there’s always an option, always a way to switch our mentality and attitude and just decide to do what we want. To be grateful for where we are. To accept challenges and shitty times as testaments to building your character.

If you have no idea, do little things every day that make you happy, that you love. Realign with yourself. Learn about yourself. Better yourself. Push yourself. Explore yourself. It’s only through taking the time to stop and look inside who you truly are, can you find what you truly want in life. And it’s not an overnight journey. It’s a practice, you gotta keep doing it, and keep building to get to that next world. Which is there. We all know someone whose on that level and its like damn, show me what you did and how you did it because I wanna be where you are.

And that’s another thing, consume the content of those who inspire you. Aspire to listen, learn, and apply. Surround yourself with those that push you to level up, whether tangible or not. For me, it’s books, it’s Tom Bilyeu’s Impact theory, it’s podcasts (scope my fave books in this blog). And I feel blessed that last year I truly felt I had started to develop an amazing bunch of individuals around me, who I didn’t feel I had to play down or act like someone else to make them feel comfortable. We could talk about REAL SHIT. So invest in relationships, whether it’s with an author and a connection you have to their work, or someone in your life.There’s the infamous story in Napoleon Hill’s novel “Think and grow rich” how he’d create his own “round table” and in it, he’d have conversations and throw ideas off his idols, most of whom were dead and legends. And he imagined them talking back to him and offering him advice. Like fuck it. Why not.

Whether you want to journal, meditate, just stop and breath, put your phone down and sit with your thoughts and see what bubbles to the surface. 

 


So amongst all the noise that exists in our millennial lives, trying to distract us, keep us complacent and “cogs in the wheel” as Seth Godin so eloquently puts it, being a creative individual is your super power. There is only one you having this experience. So why stay in the shadows hiding?

I think its time for a revolution. Where everyone emerges from the shadows, takes off their armour and shows up as their authentic selves with their mission tightly coiled around themselves. Where we encourage and support each other, where it’s okay to feel vulnerable and share those feelings and not lock them away because we’re conditioned to feel we have to act and behave in certain mannerisms to “appear” successful. It’s time for each of us to step into the light and share our unique gifts, share our humanity, to make some kind of meaning to our time on earth, to create an impact, to feel fulfilled and have a rich abundant life. 

 

ONE LOVE

E aka TMN aka Justin Bieber day 1 fan girl