The paradox of an independent millennial
So, just a heads up that this blog is a bit random, and I don’t even know if I’m articulating what I’m trying to say in a value adding way. But, it’s happening, soooooo this blog is a bit more in-depth, personal and somewhat just a reflection of my own insight, that was brought to light when travelling alone in Bali, and upon talking about it with my girl @indigo_child14, turns out its not just a party of 1.
I feel there is almost a lingering paradox for the modern millennial.
We’re meant to be independent, yet the human condition is to be connected. A part of a tribe, a community, a family, a group, whatever it may be. As humans, it’s an innate need to be needed and to contribute and add value, and not be alone. We’re a species, a race, and biologically that’s how we survive and flourish – together.
So why is independence trade marked as such a strong powerful trait, when success is always attributed to a combined effort, to a community, a network? Why is the power of 1, better than the power of 3? (YOU KNOW I HAD TO THROW A CHARMED REFERENCE IN) because even Charmed knew the power of 3 was the only thing that could defeat evil, twas a combined effort.(ps Alyssa Milano will always be #1)
I feel our society celebrates the individual, we all love the story of “the power of one”, they’re celebrated, idolised, and that trickles back into society feeding our ideals around independence. That we have to do everything on our own. That that’s strength.
There’s good and bad in being dependent and independent. On one end of the spectrum, there’s individuals who are heavily co-dependent, and lose their sense of self, or have no sense of self because they’re constantly requiring input and feedback from people to navigate who they are, their dreams etc etc.
Yet, the other end of the spectrum are fierce fully fledged independent individuals who are content and whole with themselves, and don’t rely on others for anything. But that’s a lonely place to be.
So i feel finding our healthy middle ground on this scale is ideal - as there is power and resiliency in independence, just like there is power and resiliency in dependence.
This conscious realisation hit me because upon being truly alone, removed from my comfortable environment, my safe bubble, it hits you. This like almost “soul-ache” for connection. You’re out there, wilin' like “what’s so good about being so god damn independent?” “why can’t I depend on someone?” "why the fuck did i think going to bali alone was a good idea?" (it wasn't a bad idea, because it definitely fuelled some growth). I find it even hard to grasp the weird complexity of the entire thing, because for me, I’ve adopted this independent persona, made it part of me, but I feel under this layer of myself, is just a girl who wants to be able to depend on others? Even if you get let down. Who cares. That’s part and parcel of playing the human race game. Coz aint no body perfect (cheers Miley).
SO how is this blog and mind rant going to help you?
FIRST - I feel being alone, with no connection to people via the internet and sitting with yourself brings forth some interesting realisations and space for self exploration. Because, its just you out there. wilin’. You’re forced to actually look at yourself. To explore yourself. To question yourself. It’s both frightening as fuck, and also liberating. Because the level of discomfort is one you get comfortable with, which is a recipe for growth in life, as @lisamessenger so gorgeously preaches, and as the lovely @inthera also told me.
discomfort = growth.
So, I feel I’d like to offer an experiment for all you hunni millennials out there. Give yourself a time frame. Whether it’s an hour, or half a day or a few days, where you’re purely alone. Have a book, a podcast, music, a journal, whatever, but nothing that truly knocks you out of your presence. And just sit or walk or move. See what pops up. Its almost like meditation, but we’re inviting the feels and thoughts to come through. Because what comes forth is usually what’s meant to be explored and addressed, away from our safe bubbles and notifications and reinforcing ideals. The solo exploration is an advantageous one.
and the moral of my story; IT’S OKAY TO NEED PEOPLE. I see my friends and people around me subconsciously knowing they need help or someone, yet, it's like we're blinded to it. It's okay to ask for support with anything, like for me, most of my friends its emotional support as well as nutritional support so they're not burning out can keep being amazing and doing amazing things. yet theres the resiliency to be like "yo, i'm not okay in this area, and i need you". It’s not weak. It doesn’t mean you’re any less fierce or independent or strong or amazing or anything. It’s okay to depend on others, to accept help, and don’t feel you have to always do everything on your own.
That’s all. Baby brain rant.
LOTS OF LOVE
E aka TMN aka negotiating independent woman?