The paradox of an independent millennial


The paradox of an independent millennial

So, just a heads up that this blog is a bit random, and I don’t even know if I’m articulating what I’m trying to say in a value adding way. But, it’s happening, soooooo this blog is a bit more in-depth, personal and somewhat just a reflection of my own insight, that was brought to light when travelling alone in Bali, and upon talking about it with my girl @indigo_child14, turns out its not just a party of 1.

I feel there is almost a lingering paradox for the modern millennial.

We’re meant to be independent, yet the human condition is to be connected. A part of a tribe, a community, a family, a group, whatever it may be. As humans, it’s an innate need to be needed and to contribute and add value, and not be alone. We’re a species, a race, and biologically that’s how we survive and flourish – together.

 

So why is independence trade marked as such a strong powerful trait, when success is always attributed to a combined effort, to a community, a network? Why is the power of 1, better than the power of 3? (YOU KNOW I HAD TO THROW A CHARMED REFERENCE IN) because even Charmed knew the power of 3 was the only thing that could defeat evil, twas a combined effort.(ps Alyssa Milano will always be #1)

 

I feel our society celebrates the individual, we all love the story of “the power of one”, they’re celebrated, idolised, and that trickles back into society feeding our ideals around independence. That we have to do everything on our own. That that’s strength. 

There’s good and bad in being dependent and independent. On one end of the spectrum, there’s individuals who are heavily co-dependent, and lose their sense of self, or have no sense of self because they’re constantly requiring input and feedback from people to navigate who they are, their dreams etc etc.

Yet, the other end of the spectrum are fierce fully fledged independent individuals who are content and whole with themselves, and don’t rely on others for anything. But that’s a lonely place to be.

So i feel finding our healthy middle ground on this scale is ideal - as there is power and resiliency in independence, just like there is power and resiliency in dependence. 

This conscious realisation hit me because upon being truly alone, removed from my comfortable environment, my safe bubble, it hits you. This like almost “soul-ache” for connection. You’re out there, wilin' like “what’s so good about being so god damn independent?” “why can’t I depend on someone?” "why the fuck did i think going to bali alone was a good idea?" (it wasn't a bad idea, because it definitely fuelled some growth). I find it even hard to grasp the weird complexity of the entire thing, because for me, I’ve adopted this independent persona, made it part of me, but I feel under this layer of myself, is just a girl who wants to be able to depend on others? Even if you get let down. Who cares. That’s part and parcel of playing the human race game. Coz aint no body perfect (cheers Miley).

SO how is this blog and mind rant going to help you?

Two things,

FIRST - I feel being alone, with no connection to people via the internet and sitting with yourself brings forth some interesting realisations and space for self exploration. Because, its just you out there. wilin’. You’re forced to actually look at yourself. To explore yourself. To question yourself. It’s both frightening as fuck, and also liberating. Because the level of discomfort is one you get comfortable with, which is a recipe for growth in life, as @lisamessenger so gorgeously preaches, and as the lovely @inthera also told me.

discomfort = growth.

So, I feel I’d like to offer an experiment for all you hunni millennials out there. Give yourself a time frame. Whether it’s an hour, or half a day or a few days, where you’re purely alone. Have a book, a podcast, music, a journal, whatever, but nothing that truly knocks you out of your presence. And just sit or walk or move. See what pops up. Its almost like meditation, but we’re inviting the feels and thoughts to come through. Because what comes forth is usually what’s meant to be explored and addressed, away from our safe bubbles and notifications and reinforcing ideals. The solo exploration is an advantageous one.

SECONDLY,

and the moral of my story; IT’S OKAY TO NEED PEOPLE. I see my friends and people around me subconsciously knowing they need help or someone, yet, it's like we're blinded to it. It's okay to ask for support with anything, like for me, most of my friends its emotional support as well as nutritional support so they're not burning out can keep being amazing and doing amazing things. yet theres the resiliency to be like "yo, i'm not okay in this area, and i need you". It’s not weak. It doesn’t mean you’re any less fierce or independent or strong or amazing or anything. It’s okay to depend on others, to accept help, and don’t feel you have to always do everything on your own. 

That’s all. Baby brain rant. 

LOTS OF LOVE

E aka TMN aka negotiating independent woman?

deep dive - the "not enough" dialogue

Just FYI, I feel Justin's album so perfectly fitted this topic, so you know i had to. 


So I’ve been wanting to jump into more holistic ways of expressing myself, even though I love nutrition I also am so passionate about abundance living and feel following your soul is the way to live.

Like, we as millennials live in the most abundant time in history, we have access to anything and everything within a few touches, swipes, and keyboard clicks. Yet, something is still holding us back from jumping out of our comfortable pond into the deep unknown, where a part of us has such a yearning and desire to be. And that blockage is the words and stories we tell ourselves, and have been told our entire lives.

This concept of “not enough” - not enough, money, time, resources, support, reasoning, we’re conditioned to settle and accept what we have as enough, and compare it to those who aren’t as privileged or blessed as up as a way of keeping us in this comfortable pond. And yet this is even further re-engineered to keep up in our pond by providing content of lives that seem impossible to achieve, and so it knocks any dreams and ideas we have back down, reinviting that self-esteem gremlin to emerge and keep us comfortable where we are. 

 


But this is where we need to smash these concepts and not settle. Don’t just be complacent thinking this is all you can ever get, or will have. Don’t feel guilty or bad or ashamed to demand more of yourself, your environment, your surroundings and your life. Don’t feel bad for wanting to break away from your pond and just put yourself out there, and yes failing is part of it. Feeling vulnerable is part of it. I

t’s scary. You feel alone, confused, unsure, stupid, anxious, lame, and any other emotion you’ve probably experienced when you jump outside your comfort zone / pond. But what always happens on the other side? Damn do you feel liberated, proud, strong and more in touch with yourself. You grow. And that’s essential.

 


I feel to cultivate this kind of thinking, mentality and actually acting on it, we need to do it on a daily basis, on a smaller scale, and build up the confidence and trust that it’ll all work out as its meant to. All hardships are lessons and blessings that build resilience, a deeper understanding of self and what we’re here to do. Its all relative and all about perspective.

So every day, lets do something small that scares you, or is different to what we’re currently doing. For me, I’ll switch up where I get my coffee, push myself to talk to customers I’d usually avoid / ignore (soz not soz), have conversations and connect with people I usually don’t invest in, hit on hotties and just own the rejection, have uncomfortable conversations, wear clothes that make me feel insecure, because its only through going through things, do we surface victorious.

We’re like Mario at the end, where you run really fast and jump as high as you can onto the flag to enter the next world. I also feel like Mario world is the ULTIMATE analogy for life! Like the levels, the end goal aka Peach, the helpers (stars, 2ups, 2 player), and the fall-backs, which cause us to shrink back in size and feel not so invincible.

 


So, following your purpose and finding your passion and adding more meaning to you life. How do we even do this? How many books do I need to read to learn the “secret sauce”? From my experience, it’s pretty simple.

Change.

You don’t like something,

Change.

We don’t have to stay stuck. Yes, certain circumstances may cause us to stay somewhere for longer than we’re wanting, but there’s always an option, always a way to switch our mentality and attitude and just decide to do what we want. To be grateful for where we are. To accept challenges and shitty times as testaments to building your character.

If you have no idea, do little things every day that make you happy, that you love. Realign with yourself. Learn about yourself. Better yourself. Push yourself. Explore yourself. It’s only through taking the time to stop and look inside who you truly are, can you find what you truly want in life. And it’s not an overnight journey. It’s a practice, you gotta keep doing it, and keep building to get to that next world. Which is there. We all know someone whose on that level and its like damn, show me what you did and how you did it because I wanna be where you are.

And that’s another thing, consume the content of those who inspire you. Aspire to listen, learn, and apply. Surround yourself with those that push you to level up, whether tangible or not. For me, it’s books, it’s Tom Bilyeu’s Impact theory, it’s podcasts (scope my fave books in this blog). And I feel blessed that last year I truly felt I had started to develop an amazing bunch of individuals around me, who I didn’t feel I had to play down or act like someone else to make them feel comfortable. We could talk about REAL SHIT. So invest in relationships, whether it’s with an author and a connection you have to their work, or someone in your life.There’s the infamous story in Napoleon Hill’s novel “Think and grow rich” how he’d create his own “round table” and in it, he’d have conversations and throw ideas off his idols, most of whom were dead and legends. And he imagined them talking back to him and offering him advice. Like fuck it. Why not.

Whether you want to journal, meditate, just stop and breath, put your phone down and sit with your thoughts and see what bubbles to the surface. 

 


So amongst all the noise that exists in our millennial lives, trying to distract us, keep us complacent and “cogs in the wheel” as Seth Godin so eloquently puts it, being a creative individual is your super power. There is only one you having this experience. So why stay in the shadows hiding?

I think its time for a revolution. Where everyone emerges from the shadows, takes off their armour and shows up as their authentic selves with their mission tightly coiled around themselves. Where we encourage and support each other, where it’s okay to feel vulnerable and share those feelings and not lock them away because we’re conditioned to feel we have to act and behave in certain mannerisms to “appear” successful. It’s time for each of us to step into the light and share our unique gifts, share our humanity, to make some kind of meaning to our time on earth, to create an impact, to feel fulfilled and have a rich abundant life. 

 

ONE LOVE

E aka TMN aka Justin Bieber day 1 fan girl